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Ring, ring! Ring, ring!

Updated: Nov 7

"Hi Alex, I'm calling you because your doughter was really sassy to me in a text."

Sassy to you in a text. Can you tell me more? And why were you texting with her?

"Well, she started off with 'First of all' which was rude and told me you don't use she/her pronouns but that you go by they/them which was fine but I just thought I'd let you know because she said it really, well, rude."

Thank you for calling and letting me know. And this was in text?


Could you hear her tone of voice?


Did she add emojis?

"Um, no."

Can you tell me what part felt sassy to you?

"She wrote 'First of all, so if I was her mother..."

I need to stop you here. I understand. I can share that she's 12 and I will continue to coach her on texting etiquette, helping her to think about how phrases like "First of all" come across. I also encourage her to use emojis to add emotion to her messages so it can be felt in the tone she is meaning for it to be relayed. She's autistic, and as her mom, I can reassure you she can be very matter-of-fact, which I understand is off-putting to some people. Her brain operates in a way that often misses certain social nuances that neurotypical people prefer. I understand she can come across as "rude" to people. I also need you to understand that we are a queer family so I'm proud of the fact that she's using her voice to advocate for her family. I do use they/them pronouns and my guess is she was simply relaying a fact to you. However, I'm sorry she upset you.

"Thank you."

My daughter is quite articulate. Would you say your definition of 'sassy' came from because she was informing you of something new and that felt uncomfortable to you because you are an adult and she is a kid?

"Oh, probably..."

Okay, so I will also continue to educate her that the world will try to make her as neurotypical as they need her to be, shaming her for how she can, does, and is able to communicate. If you have any other issues, do not text my daughter again, please just call me instead so we can discuss concerns and strategies moving forward.

*Based on actual conversation

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